how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
