Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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