I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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