If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
