i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
