I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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