Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
