i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
