Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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