Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
