she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
