you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
