you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My penis needs a shock collar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
