He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
