omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
