I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
