drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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