we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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