i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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