i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found puke in my bra..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
