Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
