and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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