I CAN MOONWALK!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
