waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
