Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
