Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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