i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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