I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
