Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
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someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize