Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
