a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
