i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
