peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
