I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
