the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
