They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
