btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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