Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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