I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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