Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
