we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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