i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
