i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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