someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
