i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
