Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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