so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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