The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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