I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
