For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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