There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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