So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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