fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
