But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He passed out mid-signature
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
