a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
