He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
