worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
