is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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