I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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