So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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