Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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