i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
