How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
