Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
