Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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