God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
