And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
